pretending he's beside me
by The Original Horcrux
Summary: When Kurt leaves for New York, all Blaine can do to stop himself from falling back into the void is pretend that the love of his life is right there beside him .:For Dra:.


_For __**Dramione Forever**_

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pretending he's beside me

He was a complete and utter mess, both physically and mentally and he didn't know what to do with himself.

It wasn't like he hadn't felt this way before, he had felt this way plenty of times in his life, but never before had it been because someone whom he cared so much about was suddenly gone from his life. Blaine had never had much cause to care particularly much about people in his life.

His parents were always working, leaving Blaine in the care of a nanny for most days.

His brother was ten years his senior and by the time Blaine had started Elementary School, Cooper had already dropped out of school and was at college in New York, meaning that Blaine had saw him three times a year, tops.

The kids at his first high school were cruel, vindictive and people that Blaine never wanted to be around. He hated them all with a passion and when he was particularly bad, he just thought of them all running off a cliff like lemmings. It was morbid, but it helped when he slipped into the void. Wes and David had been excellent at keeping him out of the endless expanse of blinding white light that filled Blaine's world whenever he thought about his life before Dalton. They had calmed him down, taken him to the movies, ordered pizza, scheduled a movie marathon, gone to the gay bar down the street, despite the fact that neither of them were gay. Blaine was _happy_ when he was with Wes and David.

But then Kurt had entered his life and Blaine's world went from sitting stationary in Dalton, to spinning around the universe. His head was in the clouds every minute of every day and Kurt was always in those clouds with him. He felt closer to Kurt than anyone else. Kurt understood what it was like to be teased, bullied, ridiculed and pushed into lockers by kids who were ignorant and cruel. Kurt knew what it was like to be openly gay in a public school. He knew what Blaine had suffered and Kurt had become like his walking stick.

A walking stick that he gradually fell in love with, a walking stick that he eventually realised that he couldn't live without.

When he kissed Kurt for the first time, it was like his whole world had erupted in fireworks that exploded in every single shade of love and affection. His head was spinning; his world was changing for the better, his life moving in a different direction. He had found the love of his life, his soul mate and nothing could've made him happier.

In junior year, he had turned his whole life upside down. He couldn't be without Kurt anymore, he couldn't go a day without seeing his angelic face or hearing his nightingale-like voice. He left Dalton and all of his friends who had done so much for him without so much as a goodbye. He felt guilty, but glad that he was able to be with his beautiful boyfriend every day of his life. Kurt kept Blaine out of the void with his positive affirmations and his kisses and soft whispers.

Blaine knew that when he started to slip into the void, all he had to do was call for someone, anyone to help him stay in this world, but it was now Kurt's number that was on speed dial. Whenever he had to call for help, Kurt would be there within fifteen minutes, having broken about seven laws to get to his boyfriend as fast as possible. He would let himself in through the window, hold Blaine close and whisper words of encouragement into his ear. Blaine loved Kurt's clean smell; he loved his smooth skin that he liked to let his hands roam over so much, he loved Kurt and everything about him, nothing would ever keep them apart, nothing. Kurt was always there for him, and he was always there for Kurt. They were each other's lifeboat, each keeping the other afloat in the endless sea that was life. It seemed like nothing could keep them apart.

But things change.

Kurt left Blaine for New York, to live with Rachel Berry, of all people. Blaine hadn't wanted him to go, but he could see how important it was to his love. He wanted Kurt to be happy, and he knew that if Kurt was happy then that happiness would lift him out of the void and have him hanging there, above it until Kurt could return and hold him close once more.

He had waved his love off at the airport, holding back tears that he pretended were happy ones but were actually ones of sadness. He didn't want to see Kurt leave, he wanted him to stay and to tell Blaine that he was going to be okay because he would never leave him. But that only happens in fairytales.

A lot of things only happen in fairytales, like the prince and the princess living happily ever after. Blaine had known from a young age that he would probably never get his own happily ever after, things like that didn't happen to him. However, since Kurt had spied his way into Blaine's life, he had thought that the two of them would live forever in each other's companies, just like in the fairytales.

Blaine wished that McKinley hadn't forced him to repeat his junior year because the curriculum at Dalton had been so drastically different. If he hadn't repeated it, then he would be with Kurt right now, in New York, in their own apartment, not Rachel Berry's. They would both be going to the university of their dreams because Kurt's dream was Blaine's dream.

But he had repeated junior year.

He wasn't in New York with Kurt.

He was still in Ohio with only tissues and his bed for company, dangling dangerously close to the void. He needed Kurt and Kurt was in New York, Kurt couldn't drive to Blaine in fifteen minutes anymore. He couldn't hold him tight and tell him everything was going to be fine.

He blew his nose violently and wiped away the tears with the back of his sleeve. He looked at his phone, Kurt had promised to call as soon as he landed, which, according to Blaine's alarm clock, was six hours ago. Blaine knew that Kurt was probably tired from the flight, but more than two hours later, he hadn't even called to say that he had arrived safely. After three hours, Blaine broke down, convinced that Kurt's plane had crashed (he'd had the television on the News Channel ever since) Four hours since Kurt had arrived in New York, Blaine started to wonder if he had already found someone else when he saw nothing about a plane crash on the news. After the fifth hour, Blaine couldn't think. His thoughts had become a mindless scribble of negativity and sadness.

Being alone was Blaine's greatest fear. He was constantly moving through his life, clinging to people who he held most dear, making sure they would never leave, but he had let Kurt go. He couldn't cling tightly to him anymore, Kurt was free and Blaine was sure that he had already found someone more attractive, less weepy and with a stronger personality. It made Blaine want to throw up.

And with each negative thought, with each tear shed, he dangled closer and closer to the void. He could feel it tugging at him, threatening to suck him up forever.

The phone rang, startling Blaine from his stupor of sadness. Blaine fumbled for it and answered on the second ring.

"Hello?" he said, fighting to keep the emotion out of his voice.

"Hi, Blaine!" he heard Kurt's cheery voice on the other end of the line.

"Kurt," Blaine said in relief, hoping that Kurt hadn't heard his voice break when he spoke his name.

"Are you alright?" Kurt asked, his voice concerned

"Yeah," Blaine said, secretly glad that he had noticed. To Blaine, that meant that Kurt still cared, "I just miss you so much."

He heard Kurt make an affectionate noise from his end, "I miss you too, baby. Look, sorry I didn't call, I've been setting up an apartment with Rachel, it looks awesome to tell you the truth. I'll send you some pictures as soon as it's done. I wish you could be here with me."

"Me too," Blaine said truthfully.

"It's only a month 'till you come up though," Kurt said, reassuring him.

"_Only,"_ Blaine said, "I don't know if I can last that long."

"It's okay though," Kurt said, "We'll have skype dates and we can watch _Moulin Rouge_ and _Les Mis _and sing along to _Come What May_ and _Empty Chairs at Empty Tables_."

Blaine sniffed, smiling slightly, "I can't wait."

"Neither," Kurt said and Blaine could hear the smile in his voice, "Look, Blaine. I gotta go, Rachel is being a pain, though seriously when is she not being a pain? I'll call you back tomorrow okay? I promise. Okay?"

"Okay," Blaine said, "I love you."

"I love you more. Talk to you tomorrow!" Kurt said, making a kissing sound through the phone before hanging up. Blaine took the phone away from his ear and hit the lock button.

"I love you the most," he whispered.

He was all alone again. Those few moments with Kurt had lifted his spirits higher than ever before, and now that he was gone, they had to fall so much further. Blaine guessed that all he could do was pretend that Kurt was beside him, because if he didn't, his world would empty out, piece, by piece, by piece.

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**AN: Dra, I hope you enjoyed it!**

**This is the first Klaine oneshot I've written so I'm kind of sceptical but I hope you all liked it! **

**Penny for your thoughts?**

**Please don't favourite without reviewing. **

**DFTBA,  
Best Wishes**

**~The Original Horcrux~**


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